– Aviva, last night, as I interfered with her tantrum. Wise girl, knows what she needs and asks for it.
This post features nothing new under the sun. It is not a primer, a survival guide, a premiere of new works, or a how-to guide with any useful hints, tips, or answers – though I sure could have used such a guide this weekend, one that addresses some or all of the following topics:
How to train your dog, tame your gremlin, survive your two-year old, get out of your own way, surrender to Shrek when you’re the one being an ogre, worship the art of doing nothing, honor your body, get through the next contraction, real or metaphorical, stay present with your longing for things to be different, deepen your breath when your legs are shaking and your chest is tight and you’re fighting back tears and not seven minutes go by without somebody screaming, bonking, breaking, hitting, throwing, blowing, demanding.
How to soak up what little sun is shining, tolerate the incessant whining, win your way back to the bliss of the present moment, blast through the illusion of permanence, bring in ‘da noise, bring in ‘da funk, here comes the bride so get your groove on.
How to diffuse the bomb, how not to diffuse the bomb, how to simply allow the tension to crackle and hiss, hoping nothing explodes.
How to soften in your own body when you are braced for the future. How to insert that little space between no and where – now, here – that breath, that pause, that moment of acknowledgment, that this is how you feel, this is where you are, this is your reality, and it is hard and it is good and you are blessed and you are grateful and you are fried and frazzled and harried and tired and this too shall pass.
How to hold it all with grace, that word you can sing but that never quite sinks in, the one that some toss up to the sky like a coin with a lucky landing side.
Well, won’t you look at that. In the time it took me to write this and you to read it, the sky and your mind have cleared a bit. The coin lands in your favor every time. And then everything changes, again and again.