I have fifteen minutes before my next client. Writing in this space has been eluding me lately, but I come here anyway, to practice. It ebbs and flows, sometimes in direct proportion to how much ebbing and flowing is going on in real life. These days, my attention seems to be elsewhere. I’m exploring an exciting new coaching partnership, which I will share more about as it unfolds. I am immersed in motherhood and home-ownership and marriage. I read that sentence and wonder if this is someone else’s blog. Who on earth has been writing all those reflections and poems and musings? Who has time for that? Who has the creativity or inspiration or patience or perseverance? Right then, I remember. It was me all along, checking in, showing up, saying hello.
I am sitting on so many questions right now. I can feel them poking at my butt, prompting me to stand, to stretch up out of this red chair, to reach. I lace up sneakers and greet the sun. I think constantly about the poems I’ve written these past couple of years; when will I start submitting them and what’s stopping me? I have good reasons, great excuses. I have granola bars in the oven. I have self-judgment in spades, and crocuses peeking out of barely thawed earth. Sometimes I feel behind – our kids are already six and almost three and we haven’t started saving! Other times I feel ahead – our kids are only six and almost three and we have plenty of time!
Perspective and perception are everything. Mostly, I think we are so far behind we’re ahead. We’ve made quite a nice life on this cliff edge. And when the winds pick up, it can be quite the test. Sometimes I just want to curl up with my girls, wrap myself around their bodies – when did they get so long and limber? – while Greg goes out to greet the wind. So long as we’re together.