The transition was seamless, said no person ever

The transition was smoother than I expected.
Oh, how I wish I could write that and mean it.

The transition was exciting at first.
When she moved here.
When I quit my job.
When I came out.

Just pick a big thing and I will tell you all
about it. Here, I will pass around a hat
and you can just choose an event.

The transition was exhilarating, and then.
Wait, there was more.

The transition was empowering, a rush.
The transition was terrifying, an abyss.

The transition was seamless, said no person ever.
The transition was effortless, like night to day
and day to night and poem to spoken word.

The transition was a relief, that thing
we’d anticipated for so long finally
behind us, under our belts, over.

The transition was brutal, like having your chest
zipped open and your heart exposed to air.

The transition was abrupt, giving us no time
to adjust, to prepare, to plan, to consider.

The transition was unexpected, and suddenly
we went from playing pool and smoking cloves
to her being in too much pain even to bathe.

The transition was gradual and then steep.
The transition was much more wonderful
than I could have imagined, after the initial
shock of it.

The transition was sad because it meant
something was over, and happy
because it meant something was beginning.

The transition was a chasm.
If I wasn’t careful, my foot would slip,
the ledge would crumble, and we would all go down.

The transition was a mirror for all of my worst fears
and fantasies, good and bad, grandiose and small.

The transition was elusive, a mindfuck,
begging me to close my laptop forever.

The transition was more elating than anything
I will ever be able to describe using words.
It will live solely in memory for all of my days.

The transition was from child to woman to child.
From woman to wife to woman to wife.

The transition was my time to shine,
and the shadow side of that glinting coin
was every question I’d ever asked about myself.

The transition was easy, like I’d known
forever how to stop being shy and how to turn
on a dime and how to embody power and power
and power and beauty and hot shit.

The transition sucked. It was hard. It was lonely.
The transition was stressful and bumpy
and isolated and vulnerable and human.

The transition was so long ago.
The transition was two days ago.
The transition was two hours ago.
The transition was ten minutes ago.

The transitions keep coming, one after another.
I can either love them and close my eyes,
listening as if to waves from a safe spot
on the open beach, or not.

3 thoughts on “The transition was seamless, said no person ever

  1. Lisa Sorensen says:

    Jena, every bit of life, the tops and the bottoms, feels touched by you in this. And shared so honestly. Generously. For you have so helped me see how this courage to share, and not shut our laptops forever, is the courage to live. Thank you for listening to the waves and echoing them back to us in your powerful beautiful voice.

    Liked by 1 person

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