Out, Outter, Outtest

garnet

Dina Lewin Feller | BlueNoemi, Tel Aviv

In part of the dream,
I came out.
Or should I say
came outter,
or would it be
more out?

I was out already
but there was another
frontier of outness,
outdom, outisity,
outensity. And I

took it for myself,
stepped from
some smaller
safer place
of seen
into more seen.
Seener. No sooner

did this happen
than I stood
before a wall
where before
there had been
a door. I knew

exactly where the lock
and key had been
and pushed,
punched it
with my right hand,
hook snagging
on flimsy material,
something like
insulation. A poor

excuse for a wall
but no matter,
I walked around
anyway
and into the next
room over
with its display
of denim for sale.

Had to cut my jeans
off my body —
I’d outgrown
that pair, couldn’t
even shimmy them
down, too tight,
constricted.

Then I was wearing
the sexiest lacy
numbers and trying
on rings, one, two,
the most
beautiful stones
set in silver
I’d ever seen.
Fit for a queen.

Outter than out,
figuring out
what to wear,
what would fit
and would become me
as I became
something bigger,
more beautiful
than I’d been,
making all the outer

layers
match
the largeness of my
inner outness
now even outter
facing more
outward all over
and again, as if
for the first time —
and
if you’re the betting type —
not the last.

**

If you liked this poem, check out my books, “Don’t Miss This” and “The Inside of Out” (both under the name Jena Strong), for sale directly through me as well as on Amazon. Read more.

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