Alternatives to Crying, Collapsing, and Crumbling in a Heap of White Fragility

Photo: Asdrubal luna

Don’t cry. Don’t collapse in a puddle of guilt and shame. Don’t crumble and say, “How can this still be happening?” Don’t say “I’m so sorry.” Don’t wring your hands. Don’t share videos that make our hands go to our mouths in horror before we get on with our day. Don’t say “I wish I could do something.”

Instead.

Go deeper and wider. Peel back your own layers of privilege. Confront your own truths. Look closely at the messages you’ve receieved all your life. Write things down and reserve judgment. Do it for the learning.

Actively seek out learning from people outside of your immediate circles. We tend to surround ourselves with sameness, and it’s a huge loss. Read, listen, watch, discuss, engage — without defending, deflecting, or denying. These last three come up in a zillion subtle and unconscious ways. Be vigilant. Pay attention to your own conditioning. This takes time.

The vast majority of us did not learn more than a sliver of real history in our history classes in school. History is all around us. It’s not a thing of the past. And you can’t weed a garden without getting to the roots.

I’m not interested in being right and telling anyone what to do or not do (even though I just did). I’m interested in collective responsibility, and how change happens, and how to take an overwhelming — false — sense of helplessness and turn it into power.

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