A Columbus Day Poem by Donald Trump

“Columbus Day”

A Very Special Poem by Donald Trump

Pilgrims and Indians, that’s what we learned.
The Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock. A big rock
In Massachusetts where schoolchildren flock
to learn the History of their Great Country.
But the Indians were already here! Oh no!
That’s ok! The Pilgrims were really nice.
They asked the Indians, can you help us
learn about the local food to eat, and then
we can make a big feast and sit together
to celebrate? The Indians, naturally, agreed.
A great idea! A great idea from a Great People!
And so the Indians opened their hearts
and gladly shared their knowledge of the land.
The Pilgrims expressed their gratitude
by inviting the Indians to their big long table.
Some of them even put feathers in their hair
so the Indians would feel respected and flattered.
They were great friends! They ate cranberries
and bread made from corn. Later, a few Indians
might have died, but it wasn’t so bad,
and after all, the Pilgrims were trying to get free.
They had been badly treated back in England.
They were Very Brave. The Indians had to make room
for them to make little towns. Sometimes,
after they slaughtered the men and raped the women
they would name the little town after the Indians,
as a nod. Because remember, the Pilgrims weren’t bad.
They were fleeing persecution themselves.
They were making freedom! Sometimes freedom
requires sacrifices. Sorry, Indians!
Then the Pilgrims proliferated and moved west
and guess what? More Indians! Indians everywhere.
This was terribly inconvenient for these Brave Pioneers.
They really had no choice. After all, the Indians
were Really Dangerous! They had sharp weapons
and savage ways. It was a terrible influence
on the innocent children. They had to be taken care of.
Some of the settlers were really Nice and they gave
the Indians their very own land on their very own land.
The Indians really should have been grateful
for this kindness. Why couldn’t they just cooperate
like they had at Plymouth Rock? Those were the days.
Poor little American children being told Columbus was a Bad Guy. Sad.
So much is wrong with America. Let’s make it Great Again

p.s. Columbus. Tremendous Guy! We’re having lunch this week!


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A note from Jena: Now, dear reader, read this and donate to these campaigns.