A Columbus Day Poem by Donald Trump

“Columbus Day”

A Very Special Poem by Donald Trump

Pilgrims and Indians, that’s what we learned.
The Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock. A big rock
In Massachusetts where schoolchildren flock
to learn the History of their Great Country.
But the Indians were already here! Oh no!
That’s ok! The Pilgrims were really nice.
They asked the Indians, can you help us
learn about the local food to eat, and then
we can make a big feast and sit together
to celebrate? The Indians, naturally, agreed.
A great idea! A great idea from a Great People!
And so the Indians opened their hearts
and gladly shared their knowledge of the land.
The Pilgrims expressed their gratitude
by inviting the Indians to their big long table.
Some of them even put feathers in their hair
so the Indians would feel respected and flattered.
They were great friends! They ate cranberries
and bread made from corn. Later, a few Indians
might have died, but it wasn’t so bad,
and after all, the Pilgrims were trying to get free.
They had been badly treated back in England.
They were Very Brave. The Indians had to make room
for them to make little towns. Sometimes,
after they slaughtered the men and raped the women
they would name the little town after the Indians,
as a nod. Because remember, the Pilgrims weren’t bad.
They were fleeing persecution themselves.
They were making freedom! Sometimes freedom
requires sacrifices. Sorry, Indians!
Then the Pilgrims proliferated and moved west
and guess what? More Indians! Indians everywhere.
This was terribly inconvenient for these Brave Pioneers.
They really had no choice. After all, the Indians
were Really Dangerous! They had sharp weapons
and savage ways. It was a terrible influence
on the innocent children. They had to be taken care of.
Some of the settlers were really Nice and they gave
the Indians their very own land on their very own land.
The Indians really should have been grateful
for this kindness. Why couldn’t they just cooperate
like they had at Plymouth Rock? Those were the days.
Poor little American children being told Columbus was a Bad Guy. Sad.
So much is wrong with America. Let’s make it Great Again

p.s. Columbus. Tremendous Guy! We’re having lunch this week!

.

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A note from Jena: Now, dear reader, read this and donate to these campaigns.

Donald Trump Takes on Valentine’s Day

Roses are red
Violets are blue
If you’re mean to me
I’ll be mean to you

— DT, Age 4 70

This is actually kind of fun. Come on, Steve. Let’s make nice and write Valentines for everyone this year. Just not for that b*#ch Liz. She was warned.

*

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Rhyming is harder than it looks
So unfair

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I grow the best ones
You should see them

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Blue looks good on me
Brings out my eyes

Roses are blue
Violets are red
Just ask the ten million people
who were at my inauguration

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Poetry is dead
And we’ll kill democracy, too

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Don’t shop at Nordstrom
They are so misguided

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Have you seen my hands?
Tremendous

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Compare me to Hitler
That makes me swoon

Roses are red
Violets are blue
The media lies
We tell alt-truths

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I won fair and square
It was a landslide

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Melania, smile!
Pretend I love you

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Get out of my way
You whiny libtard

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I still can’t get this right
Disaster

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I have a mad crush on Bannon
Don’t tell him I told you

Roses are red
Violets are blue
The Jews took my money
Criminal, just disgraceful

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Get me a photo op
with Harriet Tubman

Roses are red
Violets are blue
They say I am toxic
They should try the Flint water

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Hey I’m a natural
The new poet laureate

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Trust me, ladies
Every word of it’s true

Roses are red
Violets of blue
I’m closing our borders
Bad hombre rhymes with border, right?
Close enough

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sure, you can see my tax return…
In your dreams, moron

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Valentine’s day is for sore losers
SAD